The Essential Vampyre – A Guide

Gary Oldman - Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

Gary Oldman – Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

Compiled by

Tim

What makes the essential vampire… today I mean? What do you need to be a successful modern living vampire? Where do you go? What music do you need in your collection? What finery and adornments? So many things to think about, as if life wasn’t difficult enough already but don’t worry I’m here to help… We’re going to give you the inside goss on what it takes to make it in today’s VC.

First things first… primarily because arsenic snuff is sorta frowned on these days, we need to get you into the kinda pale-skinned, ‘undead’ arena. What to use, I mean aside from actors grease paint which’ll sorta leave you lookin’ like a…a…

Stephen King's "It" - Warner Bros. Television

Stephen King’s “It” – Warner Bros. Television

A couple of items you might wish to try, depending on your natural tones of course, are;

Mac or Illamasqua white-foundation

Mac or Illamasqua white-foundation

The needs of white foundation are very different to normal “skin toned” foundation. A couple of things to look out for:

Solid opacity, the few coats to achieve this the better.
Smooth even blending
Formula dispensing, if you’re sharing this, hygiene is most important.

I know most people look for this in traditional foundation, but it’s even more important for white foundation since you are literally applying a new layer to your skin, not blending it into your existing skin. This makes it harder to get an “even” coverage.
Important note: Always always set your foundation with a white or translucent powder, or within no time you will experience some serious creasing[1]

Okay, so, we can get you to the stage where you look suitably undead… remember, don’t forget the legs, the arms, hands, neck etc. the undead DO NOT tan.

With that covered we’ll move to the coiffure…what? Okay, okay, hang on… it only means hair, it’s got nothing to do with coffins, now settle… sheesh…!

Right, hair, or, ummm perhaps lack thereof… check out these guys ‘n’ gals…

collected vamp hairstylesSee, the playing field’s wide open… but if you really want to make an impact you could go this way…

vampwigs

I’m sure there’s a good wig store near you someplace… if not, try a costume shop… they’re usually good for a couple of bits-and-bobs…

Ohhhhh-kay… undead pallor, wig in place… heyyyyy…! Startin’ to get the look…

Now, dressage…oh, no, wait, that’s horses. I mean, of course, apparel. A VITALLY important measure to carry off the whole vampire thing. Hmmmmm, let’s see shall we.

Now the guys may not need much to begin with… a decent set of…

menundergarbNow, ladies… ladies, ladies, ladies… where to start?
There are so many variables we have to consider, is it warm or cold? Is the function inside or out? Will the dancing be formal or hardcore? What effect will the under-garb have on the line of your outer wear, if any? Basically, the style and nature of the dress is probably going to influence your choice of sous-vêtements féminins.
Perhaps our friend Dita could help us out here…

Dita von Teese

Dita von Teese

So, with foundation setting, undies under control and the hair problem sorted we need to look into the stunning ensemble that is going to make you stand out in a crowd…

The first thing, obviously, one needs address is whether the event is formal or casual. Naturally there will also be accommodation made for whether it is outside or indoors and whether during the daylight hours or a night time event… let’s see… how about the footwear, it’s going to be very important, for comfort if for nothing else.

Dancing? Comfortable flattish shoes would probably be the best, however we are looking for a small modicum of style here…yes?
What about…

dancing shoesBut, who knows what the most comfortable footwear in the world is…

dokkerpair

Good, good… we got it goin’ on here… now let’s consider the outer-wear. Here are some popular lines that will make you the envy of the mob, errrr pack?, ummmm flock???

Say, what is the name for a gathering of vampires anyways?

vampclothesPerhaps, guys, the people at Fashionbeans might be able to help you out, or perhaps even Mimi?

gentlemens style

Now then, ladies, if I may, I suggest a trip to either CF  or perhaps Karl might be able to help  in short, don’t hold back… remember, anyone can be a vampire…!

 

Now we come to a sticky set of considerations, the etiquette of attending vampiric events; really, there have to be some rules don’t there? No torn jeans, no spitting on the floor, no drugs… otherwise what are we looking at? If we don’t have rules we end up with a disheveled drunken mob of punk-vamps, stumbling around high as kite and drooling all over themselves… ewwwww…!

Make sure you know what the house rules are for where you are attending, some places don’t appreciate you conducting breathless, sweaty trysts in the ladies cubicles… and pretty much nowhere will understand if you grab a random guest and try and bite their neck.

As an example, and for some sound general pointers, perhaps you could take a peek at Carpe Noctem ,visit Windy or Ms. Drammeh

There we go…

All ready to go, faaaaaaaan-tastic…! Right, in the car, off we go… it’s gonna be awesome. Quick check of the makeup, hair’s right… lippy…

Oh My God…!

Okay, what is the single, most important, overwhelmingly essential necessity for a vampire at a vampire event?

F*****G TEETH…! TEETH…!

Okay, okay…breathe, easy now. Grab the phone or the tablet, get to Google and type in the following;

V-A-M-P-I-R-E T-E-E-T-H…!

 

Help is never far away...!

Help is never far away…!

Perhaps you’ve some solid or, at the very least, rational advice… drop us a line;


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