Disbelief by Belfazaar Ashantison

Pic. credit ~ bitchspot.jadedragononline.com

Throughout the course of a day, a week or a month in the Real Vampire community there are many messages put out, many views, opinions and comments presented. A great number of the messages are the same as have been put out before on numerous occasions; messages about safety, reality, organisations, events and opinions.

It is a reality that a good number of these messages attract different reactions depending on the personal agenda and “beliefs” of the person reading them, or commenting on them. Recently, one of the real vampire community’s most respected and well known members and commentators, wrote an article entitled “Disbelief”, an article that at once challenges us to think about ourselves and about the way that we see, and interact with, the rest of the community.

With the kind permission of the author RVN is proud to be able to present that article to help ensure that the message gets the widest possible dispersion.

Disbelief

By Belfazaar Ashantison in Vampire Community News

January 20, 2011 at 11:14am

Over the course of my years in the community, I’ve written several things, from articles to emails.  My particular favorites were always based on my own experiences as a vampire traveling a spiritual path.  This time I am going to be condemning something that blazes in my own heart and causes me to wonder, just how much it blazes in the hearts and minds of other vampires.

Disbelief.  That’s what I am talking about.  In a vampire, disbelief becomes something more than just the ordinary mundane meaning of the word.  It becomes both sword and shield in our hands, hearts and minds as we transfer our ideas into print.  This isn’t a disbelief in our own vampirism.  This is the disbelief in OTHER people’s vampirism.  It is almost as if we cannot fathom that others could be going through our own condition without traveling EXACTLY down our own trail.  At first, when I stepped out of my first organization, I did so with the feeling that I would NEVER find someone with whom I could share my experiences… Because I was TAUGHT that other vampires did not have the honor that my first organization did.  I BELIEVE that these first teachings were the foundation of my disbelief of others.  I CHOOSE to fight this fang and claw, but felt the need to put my thoughts into words so that maybe, just maybe, another person feeling the same thing can see that they are not alone.

Here is how disbelief becomes our shield.  We wrap ourselves in the cloak of another person’s disbelief in our condition to make us feel safe from the burden of prying eyes, because, like it or not, everyone around us is worried, to one degree or another, about morals and moral standing… Not THEIRS… OURS… George Carlin hit this one out of the ball park when he stated this in his last HBO special.  We COUNT on those around us, especially in our families, thinking that “Joy or Johnny is just going through a phase.  They will get over it soon”… (for me, I am going to be 46 soon… Like in April… So… That kills the phase state as far as I am concerned) … When I was younger, this, truly helped me to keep my sanity.  I relied on it to keep prying eyes from digging too deeply into my heart and head… BECAUSE I COULDN’T STAND MY OWN THOUGHTS ON THE SUBJECT THEN…  I thought I was a “freak”, “tainted”, “unholy”… More things that I was taught by OTHER people.  It had taken me several years to climb out of the despair, self hatred and loathing of anything remotely akin to me.  A long journey along a treacherous path.  Treacherous because at one point I did take my life.  I was clinically dead for 22 minutes. It is NOT a path I recommend for ANYONE ELSE…  Instead, I hope to instill faith and hope in everyone I meet.

Here is how disbelief becomes our sword.  Because of what has been instilled in us by the mundane world around us, we now actively seek to discredit those who do not share our particular point of view, because it is the one that WE, OURSELVES are comfortable with and the vampire is truly reluctant to change once their mind has been set on a path.  We disassemble the other person’s stance, belief, feeling on our condition and anything that doesn’t match our beliefs/feeling/experiences word for word, we attempt to destroy, discredit and shun…

One of my favorite lines is, “I hate hypocrisy… More so when I find it in myself and have to rip it from my own heart.”  This is why I have written this particular piece.

The simplest of solutions is to accept that everyone is going to perceive, experience and recount everything in their own fashion, yet, because of upbringing and taught behaviors, this is never as easy as it seems.  I strive daily to keep in the forefront of my mind, that my ways may work for me, but they may not be right for everyone else.  It just works for ME…

Disbelief.  It is a powerful tool, but so many times in life, we misuse that tool to cause damage instead of prove to ourselves the information we see before us is true…  If we keep in mind that we only perceive things in a way that WE, ourselves can understand (individually), then when we see someone else’s explanations come out, we are not so critical of them…  It also affords us the chance to learn about someone else’s way of thinking and understanding…

Reprinted by permission of the author ~ Belfazaar Ashantison.

 

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