‘The time has come,’ the walrus said, ‘to talk of many things: of shoes and ships – and sealing wax – of cabbages and kings.’
Lewis Carroll (January 27, 1832 – January 14, 1898)
There are always a great many things that could be said, should be said and in order for those things to have any effect you need two things;
Someone to step up and say them and an audience to listen.
The onus, naturally, is on the speaker to make their point, back it up and convince the audience to accept and believe or, at the very least, to think for themselves and come to their own informed conclusion.
I first came to the online version of the modern vampire sub-culture in perhaps late 2001 to early 2002. This was shortly after discovering that there were a great number of people who identified as “real modern living vampires”, for wont of a better term. I landed in a place of startling and strong characters, of passionate people and of “dark” demeanor. At this time I had been aware of my own nature for around twenty years, give or take a few months, as I had been aware that I was “different”, a person in the wrong place at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons, since I was eight.
At first I was happy to have found, online, so many others to accept me in the way I had been accepted by an offline vampire group I had been in twenty years earlier. I found Lady Sphynxcat VP’s support pages, I found the late, great, Lady Sangi’s pages. Suddenly, it seemed, pieces were beginning to fall into place and the “differences” I felt seemed to be justified.
I was honoured to have, over the course of the four years, or so, between 2002 and 2006 three distinct mentors, each of whom taught me important aspects of the situation of the “online” sub-culture. At the conclusion of that time period I had a firmly developed and strongly held conviction about the nature of modern real vampires and about my own direction in this dazzling, dizzying cyber land. I made my decision to help, to help those who needed it the most and to help those who were being shunned and cast aside for no good reason. These thoughts, and this conviction, grew over the next few years and I offered my help, my advice, my research skills and friendship to people who proved themselves to be genuine.
I have always maintained that if my work helped just one person become a better person or member of the modern sub-culture, or even just made a general improvement in some part of their own life then my work; all of the research, the writing, the presentations and discussions, the groups I have convened since 2004, the groups I have participated in, the studies I have made and the knowledge and expertise I have gained through thousands of hours of hard work over the last thirteen to fourteen years, has been well worth doing.
I have been Chief Editor and Senior Staff Writer for the RVL E-Zine since being invited to assume these roles by John Reason, which has been around five years. I have always sought, as far as [sic] humanly possible, to remain neutral, to remain an observer and to treat with all equally – even though the same has not always been returned at every turn.
One of my most deeply held beliefs about the whole thing is that the formation, the nature, and the machinations of one organisation are seeking to lead the entire modern living vampire movement along a path that will lead to people being put in harm’s way and I will not allow that to happen to myself nor to my family. When an organisation; any organisation, decides that it has some self-awarded mandate to proceed in what they only see as the best interests of a larger population… well, I think we can all cite historical, and disastrous, examples of that. For four years now I have watched the twists and turns that have unfolded since a statement beginning, “Change is coming, however, if it is going to be on OUR terms…” was made on the 23rd of September; the events that have unfolded bear an uncanny similarity to a discussion I held with a well-known person in the so-called “community” going back to August of that year. Coincidence? After 14 years in the OVC I don’t believe in coincidence.
Now, in 2016, having spent these last years trying to help build positive and solid foundations in assisting others, having aligned with many good people who have been trying to achieve good things, after watching some of the worst examples of human-vampire kind be elevated to positions where they consider themselves irreproachable, having watched profiteering, betrayals, acts of cruelty and sedition that, over the last several years, have reached depressingly vast proportions I have come to the conclusion that I have nothing more to contribute. I alluded to some of these things in the inaugural Crossroads 2016 so I don’t think there will be too many who will not be able to understand where I’m coming from.
I have made many wonderful friends, close confidantes and met some awesome people during the last several years and it is those people I wish to maintain my contact with now. I have much that I want to achieve and I have much to keep me occupied.
Does this mean I am going to stop being a “real human living vampire”? HAH…! Go ask a mountain to stop being a mountain, you’ll achieve more. I have been a “real modern day vampire” for almost 36 years that I have been fully aware of and, most probably well before that given the thoughts I experienced from as early as 8 years old.
I CAN’T stop being what I am, and nor would I want to but the fact is I have come to the inescapable conclusion that the Vampire is meant to be solitary, for our own safety. We’re not meant to gather in “clubs”, “councils”, “Houses” or any other sort of thing like that… this is NOT some strangely twisted LARP version of Underworld, much as that will disappoint many.
No, dear reader, the fire hasn’t gone out, the truth of the matter is that the modern Vampyre sub-culture, especially in its online incarnation is not worth fighting for any longer.
As a social entity, to quote the local pundits around where I live, “it is what it is.” Perhaps this is something I should have come to realise sooner but there burns, within a person, a fire to see certain things in a better light than they actually are. Perhaps, if I have made a grave mistake along the way, that is it.
I have made the decision that I will no longer align myself with any organisation, group, “House”, “Order” or “Family” – What can I say, call me Ronin…!
I will be stepping down as the Editor in Chief and Senior Staff Writer for The RVL E-Zine and doing things that I wish to engage in from now on. I would like to personally thank all the readers of The RVL E-Zine for their support and patronage over the years and I really, really do hope that I have been able to help at least one person along the way.
Respectfully, as always,